♥Relaxing ...

Sunday, February 26, 2006Y

The Truth Will Be Out Soon

The Truth Gonna Be Out Soon.
This few months had been a quiet and safe journey and when 1 March arrives, I'll most likely got to make a decision that will affect my future. A turning point in my life...
Yesterday went for the company's chalet, which is also a farewell for our boss. The atomphere was rather down because everyone likes him, but no one dare to show their true feeling completely coz all of them knew that's life...typical working life. He's really someone who had won respect from his subordinates but the appraisal he'd gotten from the higher mangement was that pleasing thus he had to leave. I realised this world is so practical. You cannot make a tiny mistakes at all or even just stay stagnant. Progression is a must.
Unlike most chalet and bbq I went to, most of them left at 8 plus. So different... So in the end we taught some of them to play bridge. Jean and I took a lot of effort to explain to them and they're rather blur. So after Pearlyn, a customer service officer, master the game, she explained to Stephen effortlessly manz... She's such a pro, no wonder she's a CSO. Hahaha! So after the game, we started to talk about school and what me and Jean wanna do after the result. Well, I really told them the posiition I'm in now and really gave me good advices. Some points which never came across my mind or I should say some truth which I do not dare to accept, they pointed out to me. Of coz they also share their very precious experience with us, especially Stephen. He's such a joker during work and I never thought he also face obstacles in studies. When he was telling us, I can see tears rolling in his eyes. I feel so sad and guilty to remind him of his unhappy past. Well, I really knew Stephen, Pearlyn and Jeffrey a lot more now and a really appreciate the things which they had shared with me.
Another sad news, Horng gonna leave Australia for further study. I understand that it's inevitable to part with friends for some time. It'll be selfish if we're not supportive of our friend's decision which is beneficial. But, somehow, I just feel sad... or a kind of feeling which I'm not able to describe. Anyway, I hope all my friends will be well.
My friend, seeya~!

ends at 10:50 AM

Tuesday, February 14, 2006Y

expressions.feelings

I got to discover myself further recently. Well, I can say I don't really like my job. I guess working life is just so 'realistic', so stressful.
I've just convert to contract. In another words, do more serious stuff. I guess it's not a wise decision after all. The salary only increase like by 14 bucks. Anyway, ever since last week I've been getting into trouble. Always make mistake. Be more careful at one part then new mistake will pop up. The problem is all my mistakes were quite irreversible. I think I've already been labelled as jinx or trouble maker...something like this. Well, when I started with my new job, i really told myself to do a good job. No need to earn praises, but at least get out of trouble. got really disheartened...
Guess what, I realised I'm the sort of person who can't keep feelings. I've been putting on a 'black' face ever since last week and have never change. Well, I can't keep my feelings, I'm really feeling vexed. Last time I never thought I would give this 'black' face when I'm feeling vexed. I just thought I give an expressionless face becoz I don't feel like talking, but not neccesarily feeling angry or what. But now I realised what I'm feeling inside is written exactly on the outside. I tried to keep my feelings after taking some advice from melody and jean(my colleague), but I just can't keep those feelings. My aunty used to scold me for not being able to control my feelings. I was mad at her for telling me to do such a thing. But I guess she was absolutely right, in this society, if you don't know how to control or keep your feelings, you'll be at a disadvantage. Really feel so lousy! Ever since I went to jc, I would see myself as a failure sometimes. I thought after my 'A's I won't feel better and not be so demoralising, but I just can't seem to reverse the situation.
Results are coming out soon. I sort of know and understand what to expect. For the past 2 months, I convinced myself it's ok to go poly afterall, it's no big deal. But when the time is reaching, I really hope I would be able to move on. Afterall that's should be where I must head to when I made the decision to go jc after 'O's. So many feelings in me and no way to vent it out. Ups and downs are part and parcel of life, but I've met too many downs and made myself so dejected.
Tomorrow will be a good day...I hope...

ends at 10:41 PM